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Calamari Quiz: How To Tell If You're a Moto-Mollusk
reader summarizes if you're a legless glop made of snot, or not
by staff
Friday, April 07, 2006
Soup reader Jon Davis sent in this cute summary of how to tell if you're a squid or not. Engage your sense of humor now.

How to tell if you're a squid:

If you trailered your bike to Daytona for Bike Week, and you live in Orlando.

If you think Valentino Rossi is an Italian red wine.

If you think "Deals Gap" is a trendy, discount clothing store.

If the amount of money you've spent on chrome or Carbon Fiber is more than your odometer reading.

If your Sunglasses cost more than your Helmet.

If you've ever uttered the phrase "If an American company started building Sportbikes, I'd buy one." (Caution: saying this in the presence of a Buell rider could earn you a black eye.)

If you've never seen Faster or On Any Sunday.

If your helmet spends more time on your passenger saddle then on your head.

If you wear a T-shirt, jean shorts, and flip-flops when you ride because you "...don't plan on getting in an accident anyway."

If your first bike was a Ducati.

If you install a Jardine pipe on your bike and figure that's good for "another 10-12mph on the top end".

If you've never ridden in the rain.

If you remove the mirrors from your street bike to make it more aerodynamic.

If you think **** Doohan is the name of "that Crocodile Hunter".

If you've ever traded in your sportbike for a jetski or snowmobile.

If you loved the movie Biker Boyz because it was "so realistic!"

If you've replaced the back tire on your bike three times and the original front tire still looks brand new.

If you honestly believe you were going 180mph on your '92 CBR600 because you "had the speedometer buried".

If the longest trip you've ever taken on your bike was to your girlfriend's house across town.

If you've ever used a belt sander on your footpegs to give the impression that they touch the road when you take corners.

If you've ever purchased a bike strictly because you read about it in Cycle World magazine.

If you actually believe that a slightly modified RC-51 will do 202mph.

If you spent weeks doing exhaustive research before deciding to buy the R1 instead of the ZX10, but you still haven't taken the time to get your motorcycle license.

And last but not least ..

If you're standing around listening to a group of motorcyclists talk about "the King" and you think to yourself "I didn't know Elvis raced motorcycles."

Signs That You're NOT a Squid.

If you rode your bike to Daytona for Bike Week, and you live in Seattle.

If you've ever attended the Isle of Mann TT. (Note: you get quadruple points if you've ever ridden in it.)

If you get your knee down riding to the store for a loaf of bread.

If you think Steve McQueen was a motorcycle racer who "...did a little acting on the side."

If you've been to over a dozen track days and still never gotten your bike up to it's top speed.

If you own a motorcycle...in Alaska.

If you've ever had to replace the knee pucks on your leathers.

If you named your kids Valentino, Rainey, Ago, and Hailwood.

If you've ever seen a Joey Dunlop interview...and you understood every word that came out of his mouth.

If your sportbike has some of it's plastic missing and you ride it anyway.

If you've ever ridden a motorcycle with a broken leg.

If you've ever asked Earl Hayden to adopt you.

If Dave Despain has you on his speed dial.

If the smell of leather gives you a chubby.

If you can tell which brand of tires a bike has on it without reading the sidewalls.

If you know where every motorcycle dealership within a 100 mile radius is, but you can't locate the nearest grocery store.

If your bike has an alarm system, but your car doesn't.

If you own a copy of Faster or On Any Sunday.

If the parts guy at your local dealership delivers to your house.

If you've ever ridden a motorcycle to a funeral.

If you find yourself adjusting the suspension settings on your bike because the road you're on changed from concrete to asphalt.

If your wife asks you how your ride was and out of habit you say "It was great. I'd like to thank my crew, HRC, Dunlop Tires, Joe Rocket leathers..."

Source: Superbike Planet

604 Posts
That's pretty good, :crackup :clap :crackup :clap !!!!!

44 Posts
nice, very nice

449 Posts
LOL, I was worried I just might have backslid into squidville because I bought a icon bling leather jacket(I will say it's a bit flashy for my style). I'm glad to say I pass the test!

449 Posts
I had a dream last night that I was squidding around in front of a group of people and forgot to put the kickstand down when I got off and....No not really~
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